Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
