If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
