it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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