meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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