if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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