If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
