Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
