if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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