is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize