I just pynch a tree in the face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
