So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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