Welp...herpes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
