Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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