the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
