don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
