it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
