i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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