last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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