Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
