Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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