I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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