He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
meet me or not, i'm out of control
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
