SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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