I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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