absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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