i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
