apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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