did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
