for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell