Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.