If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.