sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i was born a porn star she said
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...