I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
