so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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