I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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