I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
