So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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