She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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