You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
