Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
