I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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