..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
