found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
