5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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