i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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