I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
