I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
