I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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