Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
