i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
