She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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