fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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