Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
