dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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