Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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