I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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