Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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