We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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