do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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