Duck Duck Cougar?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
