i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
