I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
