if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
