i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
