i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
