I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
